According to the federal government, I’m officially healthy enough to fly small airplanes. I know this because I’m now the proud holder of a Third Class Medical Certificate. Just got it this morning after visiting the fine folks at AIM Clinic in Boise, Idaho.
I wasn’t quite sure what to expect out of the whole process. Kevin mentioned it was really cut and dry. “They’ll check your eyes, make you pee in a cup and thump your knees to test your reflexes,” he said. Of course his British accent made it sound a whole lot cooler.
But when Maria from the doc’s office called last night to remind me of my appointment, a funny thing happened. She said I might be required to go through a prostate exam. WHAT?! SERIOUSLY?! My excitement immediately turned to trepidation. Even though I’ve never had one, I’m fully aware of how this process works, and I was less than excited.
More than that, I wasn’t sure what was expected of me. Is there a certain social rule that mandates how you react when someone’s rooting through your, uh, runway? Should I show up with champagne and roses? Should he take me out to dinner after? What if he starts calling me and asking me out on weekends? What if he loses his watch?
Fortunately it never happened. The doc, Dr. Ron Higginbotham, ran me through some eye tests, some reflex tests, checked me out with a stethoscope, had me pee into a cup and finally ran me through the turn-your-head-and-cough test. The latter wasn’t quite as invasive as a thumb-cork into exit ramp, and since I was born without so much of a thread of modesty it was no big deal. Though I still think he owes me dinner.
What Is A Third Class Medical Certificate?
Simply put, it’s a little yellow piece of paper that say’s I’m medically capable to fly and handle an airplane. But more than that it doubles as a student pilot certificate. Without it I could never fly an airplane by myself (or fly “solo” as it’s called). Now that I’ve got this $95 piece of paper, I’m cleared by the FAA to fly all by my lonely little self when I get to that point.
But if my previous performance in the circuit – I mean “traffic pattern” – is any indication, it’ll be a while before I get to that point. I don’t think Kevin is quite ready to say goodbye to his new Piper Warrior, so I’ll probably spend at least a few more with him in the right seat before he sends me out on my merry way.
The good news for Kevin is that he won’t have to pee in a cup for his next medical exam. He can probably just send in the pants he wears during my lessons, as I’ve probably scared him to the point of peeing his pants several times.
A Shameless Plug for Dr. Ron Higginbotham
If you’re considering airplane lessons, you’ll eventually need a medical certificate. If you’re in the Boise, Idaho area, I’d highly recommend Doc Higginbotham and AIM clinic. He’s a super nice guy, cracks some good jokes and doesn’t wear a watch. Even his office staff rocks. I can’t find an official website for his clinic, but if I find one (or if any of you know what it is) I’ll throw up a link.
